Do it till you're satisfied

This morning I walked to Canyon market and got just the right amount of fresh things from the produce section and the salad bar, cooked things from the deli counter, and a couple of things to compliment those items.  It's a simple thing to buy just the right amount (which for means just a bit too much!) but I'm trying to be better at it.  I made it to BART just in time to catch my train and read "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron.


I think I had a copy of this book previously, but I am not sure if I read it.  The words don't sound familiar, but maybe it's just a different time in my life and it means something different to me than it did before.  I read a few chapters on the plane and had thought it a good idea to read a bit each day; this is the first time I've picked up the book since I unpacked.  Initially I was impatient, thinking while I was reading, "why do all of these books spend so much time on the topic of how great it is to meditate; let's get to business how do YOU recommend I do this thing?"  and then I found I wasn't thinking anymore but soaking up the contents, which seemed meaningful and relevant to me in ways I've never thought of before.  Here's an example:

"Meditation is an invitation to notice when we reach our limit and to not get caried away by hope and fear.  Through meditation, we're able to see clearly what's going on with our thoughts and emotions, and we can also let them go.  Wha'ts encouraging about mediation is that even if we shut down, we no longer shut down in ignorance.  We see very clearly that we're closing off.  That in itself begins to illuminate the darkness of ignorance.  We're able to see how we run and hide and keep ourselves busy so that we never have to let our hearts be penetrated.  And we're also able to see how we could open and relax."

Maybe this reading influenced the rest of the day.  I arrived in Walnut Creek and the bus schedule posted didn't match what I found online, so I decided to walk.  I was a bit nervous, I didn't really know the way, but I had my google maps with me and a nice gentleman helped me figure out where I wanted to exit BART so I could follow the google directions.  And a bit of me kept thinking that it's really far and it's been a long time since I've walked that far, but a bit of me also thought just start and then just keep going.  And at about the halfway point the bus zipped by (the posted schedule was obviously WRONG) and I thought I would cry from frustration and realized THAT wasn't going to make the bus come back so just keep going.  And of course I made it.


B&R had a very gentlemanly fit that I didn't call from BART because they would have been happy to pick me up and insisted that they would give me a ride to BART when it was time to go back.  We visited a bit and then I swam, and floated, and watched the birds and the butterflies from the pool.  Watched a squirrel in a tree that was shading part of the pool - thank goodness for that shade or I would be burnt to a crisp.  We had a delicious lunch and then swam and floated and listened to the birds and soaked up some more sun.  And I did get a ride back to BART.


On BART I realized how good it was for me emotionally to walk from BART to the house, not just physically, but to know that I CAN DO IT.  It allows me to feel strong and confident.  I walked almost 2.5 miles today, to and from BART stations and carried a backpack and some groceries.  I want to be in better shape, I don't want it to be a big deal to walk to BART and I DID IT!


On the way back I stopped at the store again and got an heirloom tomato, my favorite aioli, and a few other things, with full knowledge that the fact that I was able to do the walk had me inspired to have a nice healthy dinner.  Why not?  I had a nice healthy lunch, plenty of exercise, a good dose of vitamin D.  Why spoil it by having a salami sandwich when a tomato sandwich would be delicious in it's own way and good for me too.  And so I did.


And now I am happy that I have taken time write down a few of my thoughts about my day.  The weekend ends with me feeling strong, confident, and satisfied.