Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Gotta walk before you run

Today was hard in a lot of the same ways that yesterday was a good day.  Technical difficulties that meant it took me an hour and half to get my laptop powered up and onto the network.  And then attendance in a webinar that had audio problems and I really wanted all of that information.  Not enough to spoil my day, but then my excel sheets that I spent so much time on yesterday started locking up every time they were opened and soon could no longer be opened. And I started trying to do little stuff in between the problems and ended up unable to really focus on anything, convinced that everything would take too long and by the end of the day I felt like I didn't get much of anything done.


On the way out I saw the Brave Woman I mentioned yesterday and talked to her a bit.  She decided that rather than walking two blocks out of my way due to the sidewalk being closed, she would stop traffic so several of us could cross.  :)  And one of the gals in a neighboring department realized that we were both headed for an outbound train and she said, "Come on!  we're going to miss our train"  and while she wasn't exactly running, dang, she can move fast!  finally I told her to go on ahead that I was in a hurry.  She seemed disappointed, but also relieved not to be slowed down.  Thank goodness I had the sense to slow down; I've just started walking, I'm not ready to run.  I think we might have caught the same train anyway.  But I think she may be in it for the sport.


I struggled all day with what to eat.  I took blueberries, bread, and tofutti -- but the blueberries tasted funny and I ate the bread with a little tofutti for breakfast, nothing looked appetizing on the salad bar and all I could think about was that Turkey pesto sandwich at Specialty's that is about 1zillion calories per bite.  Oh, and I'd need a cookie with that.  I kept bargaining with myself, if I eat a banana for breakfast, if I have some greens for lunch, if I finish this spreadsheet before they close I'll pick one up for dinner.  In the end I skipped the sandwich and am now struggling with what to eat for dinner.


Ah, yes and also, this morning, I tried to take a few minutes to be still and not think and I could barely sit still let alone not think!  The best I could do was think about meditating and thinking about not thinking.  Timelessness hit me and I couldn't figure out if I had been sitting still for 30 seconds or 5 minutes.  Maybe tomorrow I set a timer so I can try to let go and just trust it to ding.


French fries with hummus and sweet red pepper sauce is calling to me.

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